Greetings and Salutations

JD: 'Greetings and salutations, you a Heather?'
Veronica: 'No, I'm a Veronica. Sawyer.'

Needed : An Autoclave

Veronica: 'That knife is filthy.'
JD: 'What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?'
Veronica: 'Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.'

Loving Acceptance

Kurt's Dad: 'My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.'
JD: 'Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.'

A Note On Death

Veronica: 'If you think I'm doing another suicide note you're wrong!'
JD: 'You don't get it do you? Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself. Nobody is going to care about exact handwriting.'

Overheard In The Hallways

'It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid draino.' ~ Veronica
'You blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year.' ~ Heather Chandler
'I like it. It's got that what-a-cruel-world-let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambiance.' ~ JD
'Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count.' ~ Veronica
'The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.' ~ JD
'Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.' ~ Pauline
'Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes.' ~ JD
'Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, and Ram a brain. I don't know what it's given me, but I have no control over myself when I'm with J.D. Are we going to prom or to hell?' ~ Veronica
'Hi, I'm sorry. Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nicer place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?' ~ Veronica
'Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling.' ~ JD
'What is your damage, Heather?' ~ Veronica
'Grow up Heather, bulimia's so '87.' ~ Heather Chandler
'Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that party tonight.' ~ Veronica
'This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.' ~ Veronica
'The extreme always seems to make an impression.' ~ JD
'I say we just grow up, be adults and die.' ~ Veronica
'Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.' ~ JD
'Well, f*ck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?' ~ Heather Chandler
'If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.' ~ Veronica
'Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red.' ~ Heather Chandler
'Dear Diary, no one can stop JD, not the FBI, the CIA or the PTA.' ~ Veronica
'We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book.' ~ Priest
'Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie.' ~ JD
'You know what I want? Cool guys like you out of my life.' ~ Veronica

Heathers (1988)

Ram: 'Let's kick his ass!'
Kurt: 'Shit, Ram - we're seniors, man. We're too old for that kind of crap. Let's give 'im a good scare, though.'
Ram: 'You gonna eat this?'
Kurt: 'What did your boyfriend say when you told 'im you were movin' to Sherwood, Ohio?'
Ram: 'Answer him, dick!'
Kurt: 'Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a "No Fags Allowed" rule?'
JD: 'Well they, uh, seem to have an open door policy for assholes though, don't they?'