The Wedding Buzz

'I got to get outta here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger. Stage five, virgin, clinger.' ~ Jeremy
'Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.' ~ Chazz
'I crashed a funeral today.' ~ John
'I felt like Jodie Foster in "The Accused" last night.' ~ Jeremy
'I'll be in my room, painting. Homo things!' ~ Todd
'She took me below deck for forty-five minutes. I have no bodily fluids left in me.' ~ Jeremy
'I made you a painting. I call it "Celebration." It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it.' ~ Todd
'Rule No.5: "You're an idiot."' ~ John
'I'd like to be cowboys from Arizona or pimps from Oakland but it's not Halloween. Grow up; Peter Pan, Count Chocula.' ~ John
'Share that with the Dalai Lama, jack ass!' ~ Jeremy
'Oh, come in, sit down, I was-hey, you want something to eat? Hey mom! Can we get some meatloaf?' ~ Chazz
'I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you.' ~ Jeremy
'Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bulls-eye.' ~ Jeremy
'Let's play tummy sticks.' ~ Todd
'A friend in need is a pest.' ~ Jeremy

Everybody's Got Problems

Jeremy: 'Wow. Mr. Environmental is also a hunter. That's got to be an interesting combination.'
Sack: 'I hunt quail, Jeremy. They're overpopulated in this region and they're decimating the grubworm population. You got a fucking problem with that?'
Jeremy: 'Not nearly as much as I do with the attire that you have on, or just your general point of view towards everybody. But let's go kill some birds. I'm psyched.'

The Rules

Jeremy: 'How many times you gonna do this shit? Rule #32: You don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive they have a pulse.'
John: 'Rule #16: Give me an up-to-date family tree. That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.'
Jeremy: 'Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!'

Say Hello To My Little Friend

Jeremy: 'Oh Jesus Christ, it burns.'
Gloria: 'Poor baby.'
Jeremy: 'It stings.'
Gloria: 'You want me to blow on it?'
Jeremy: 'No! No! I don't need any blowing.'
Gloria: 'Jeremy, I'm not wearin' any panties. Let's rock!'
Jeremy: 'Ok. Ok. That was nice. I don't understand what's going on. It's like, eight hours ago you were a shy little virgin, and now you're not wearing any panties. I'm just trying to catch up with you here.'
Gloria: 'You do that to me? Ooh...'
Gloria: 'Where's my little friend? Where's my little friend?'
Jeremy: 'He's tired! He's tired! He's in time-out! He's in time-out!'

It Was A Gift!

Todd: 'Jeremy tried to seduce me! I want my painting back!'
Jeremy: 'The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me.'

Insomnia

Jeremy: 'I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.'
John: 'Soft mattress?'
Jeremy: 'Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.'

Wedding Crashers (2005)

John: 'Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters.'
Jeremy: 'Well snap out of it! What, a hot older women made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.'
John: 'I wasn't crying like a little girl.'
Jeremy: 'Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?'
Jeremy: 'You motorboatin son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?'
John: 'What's wrong with you?'
Jeremy: 'What do you mean "what's wrong with me?" What's wrong with you?'
John: 'No, what's wrong with you?'
Jeremy: 'No, what's wrong with you? You're projecting!'
John: 'Drop it.'
Jeremy: 'You drop it! You stop projecting on me! Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood.'
John: 'Drop it!'
Jeremy: 'Team player!'