Dr. Evil: 'You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have?'
Number Two: 'Sea Bass.'
Dr. Evil: 'Right.'
Number Two: 'They're mutated sea bass.'
Dr. Evil: 'Are they ill tempered?'
Number Two: 'Absolutely.'
Dr. Evil: 'Oh well, that's a start.'
Showing posts with label Number Two. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Number Two. Show all posts
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Let Me Tell You My Evil Plan
Dr. Evil: 'Gentlemen, I have a plan. It's called blackmail. The Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it seen that Prince Charles has had an affair outside of marriage and therefore would have to divorce!'
Number Two: 'Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced.'
Dr. Evil: 'Right, people you have to tell me these things, okay? I've been frozen for thirty years, okay? Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm the boss! Need the info.'
Dr. Evil: 'Okay no problem. Here's my second plan. Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a "laser." Using these "lasers," we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the "Ozone Layer." Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.'
Number Two: 'That also already has happened.'
Dr. Evil: 'Shit. Oh hell, let's just do what we always do. Hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Yeah? Good! Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!'
Number Two: 'Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days. Virtucon alone makes over 9 billion dollars a year!'
Dr. Evil: 'Really? That's a lot of money. Okay then, we hold the world ransom for...One... Hundred... BILLION DOLLARS!'
Number Two: 'Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced.'
Dr. Evil: 'Right, people you have to tell me these things, okay? I've been frozen for thirty years, okay? Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm the boss! Need the info.'
Dr. Evil: 'Okay no problem. Here's my second plan. Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a "laser." Using these "lasers," we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the "Ozone Layer." Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.'
Number Two: 'That also already has happened.'
Dr. Evil: 'Shit. Oh hell, let's just do what we always do. Hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Yeah? Good! Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!'
Number Two: 'Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days. Virtucon alone makes over 9 billion dollars a year!'
Dr. Evil: 'Really? That's a lot of money. Okay then, we hold the world ransom for...One... Hundred... BILLION DOLLARS!'
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