Howard Stern, Marriage Counselor

Howard Stern: 'Hello. Is this Betty Jean Rushton?'
Betty Jean Rushton: 'Yes, it is.'
Howard Stern: 'Hi, there. This is Howard Stern, WNnnnnBC. I'm calling because your husband Kenny has been really bitchy around the station lately and we thought that maybe you should give him some more sex.'
Betty Jean Rushton: 'More sex?'
Howard Stern: 'Yeah, he's backed up! Isn't he backed up, Ross?,

F&%* the FCC

Jackie: 'My answer is "cock", and I wrote it really big, so I have a "big cock!"'
Howard: 'I'm afraid you can't say "big cock" on the air. That's a no-no.'
Robin Quivers: 'But I just said "pussy".'
Jackie: 'Yeah, she just said "pussy".'
Howard: 'Well, "pussy's" okay. It's the way you say it. "Big cock" coming out of your mouth is, just not good.'
Jackie: 'Wait a minute. I can't say "big cock", but you can say "big cock coming out of your mouth?"'
Howard: 'That's right.'
Jackie: 'That sucks!'
Fred Norris: 'Did you just say "big cock coming out of your mouth that sucks"?'
Howard: 'So Brett, what did you write down?'
Robin Quivers: 'Just like the boys, Gene. I've got "cock".'
Howard: 'Do me a favor. Hold that up for a second so I can see your "cock".'

Parts Is Parts

'You're a moron! Now shut up and sit still!' ~ Ben Stern
'I am the hero of the lesbian community.' ~ Howard Stern
'Howard is on the FCC's Most Wanted List.' ~ Roger Erlick
'After all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses is it not?' ~ Howard Stern
'I told you not to be stupid, you moron.' ~ Ben Stern
'We never went to ballgames. The only sport my dad liked was yelling.' ~ Howard Stern
'Lesbians equals ratings.' ~ Howard Stern
'I tell you, nothing makes a woman hotter than to be with an award-winning filmmaker.' ~ Howard Stern
'You're the anti-Christ. You know that, Stern?' ~ Pig Vomit
'"Kill Kill Kill the White Man" by Eugene Mamalookaboobooday. Eugene is my pen name 'cause I wrote this while I was in the Pen.' ~ Howard Stern
'Hey honey, Robin Leech says we should move to Antigua.' ~ Howard Stern

Howard Stern's Private Parts (1997)

Researcher: 'The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for - are you ready for this? - an hour and twenty minutes.'
Pig Vomit: 'How can that be?'
Researcher: 'Answer most commonly given? "I want to see what he'll say next."'
Pig Vomit: 'Okay, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?'
Researcher: 'Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.'
Pig Vomit: 'But if they hate him, why do they listen?'
Researcher: 'Most common answer? "I want to see what he'll say next."'