Scott's Night Out

'Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.' ~ Scott Evil

Kids Should Be Seen and Not Heard

Scott Evil: 'It's no hassle...'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!'
Scott Evil: 'But...'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!'
Scott Evil: 'I'm...'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!'
Scott Evil: 'All I'm say...'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!'
Scott Evil: 'There gonna get a...'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!'
Scott Evil: 'I'm...'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!'
Scott Evil: 'I'm just...'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!'
Scott Evil: 'Would...'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!... Knock-knock.'
Scott Evil: 'Who's there?'
Dr. Evil: 'Sh!'
Scott Evil: 'But...'
Dr. Evil: 'Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.'

Regrets, I've Had a Few

Scott Evil: 'I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!'
Dr. Evil: 'Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.'

Fathers and Sons

Dr. Evil: 'Son, wouldn't you like to see what daddy does for a living?'
Scott Evil: 'Blow me.'
Dr. Evil: 'What?'
Scott Evil: 'Show me.'

He Hate Me

Scott Evil: 'I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.'
Therapist: 'He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.'
Dr. Evil: 'No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man.'

Popsicle Boy

Frau Farbissina: 'Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever?'
Dr. Evil: 'Oh sure.'
Frau Farbissina: 'Well, after a couple of years we got a little... impatient. Dr Evil, I would like you to meet your son.'
Dr. Evil: 'My son?'
Frau Farbissina: 'Ja. SCOTT!'
Dr. Evil: 'Hello Scott.'
Scott Evil: 'Hi.'
Dr. Evil: 'I'm your father. Dr Evil.'
Scott Evil: 'I haven't seen you my whole life and now you just show up and expect a relationship? I hate you. What?'
Dr. Evil: 'Can I have a hug?'
Scott Evil: 'No.'
Dr. Evil: 'Give me a hug.'
Scott Evil: 'No way.'
Dr. Evil: 'Come on. Let's go. Pronto.'
Scott Evil: 'What are you doing?'
Dr. Evil: 'I'm with it. I'm hip. Well, don't look at me like I'm friggin' Frankenstein! Come here and give your father a hug.'
Scott Evil: 'Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!'
Dr. Evil: 'Hug, hug, hug.'

Kids These Days

Dr. Evil: 'All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.'
Dr. Evil: 'Close the tank!'
Scott Evil: 'Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!'
Dr. Evil: 'No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?'
Scott Evil: 'I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!'
Dr. Evil: 'Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.'

What A Beautiful Animosity

Dr. Evil: 'Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers.'
Scott Evil: 'What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?'
Dr. Evil: 'I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.'