An Experienced Woman

Rosie:' Are you nervous?'
Robbie: 'I'm actually not that nervous. I've been around lots of weddings before, so I figure it won't be very different.'
Rosie: 'I didn't mean about the wedding. I meant about the wedding night. Will this be your first time with intercourse?'
Robbie: 'Uh.'
Rosie: 'Well, don't be ashamed. You know, when I got married, I wasn't a virgin. I'd already had intercourse with eight men.'
Robbie: 'Now, that's something I didn't wanna know about.'
Rosie: 'That was a lot back then; it'd be like two hundred today!'

Getting The Boot

Robbie: 'Are you drinking, too?'
Julia: 'No, it's Coca-Cola.'
Robbie: 'Are you sure? There's no rum in that Coca-Cola?'
Julia: 'I'm not a big drinker. And if it was, I'd probably be puking more than that kid!'
Robbie: 'Oh, I don't think anybody could puke more than than kid. I think I saw a boot come out of him.'

Man With A Plan

Robbie: 'No, I'm not a big drinker.'
Glenn: 'Well I am, how about an Alabama Slammer?'
Glenn's buddy: 'Sounds like a plan.'
Robbie: 'Yeah, go ahead, have a few drinks and, you know, drive home.'

Build Me Up Buttercup

Glen's buddy: 'Robbie Hart? Oh, man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding, that was so cold! You must've felt like shit!'
Robbie: 'No, it felt real good, thanks for bringing that up, man. Hey, my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?'
Glenn's buddy: 'No, why would I wanna talk about that?'
Robbie: 'I don't know.'

No Sense Of Humor

Robbie: 'I don't even know your last name.'
Glenn: 'It's Guglia.'
Robbie: 'Guglia? Oh, so Julia's last name's gonna be Guglia. Julia Guglia! That's funny!'
Glenn: 'Why is that funny?'
Robbie: 'I - don't know.'

Always A Critic

Father of the Bride: 'You are the worst wedding singer in the world, buddy!'
Robbie: 'Sir, one more outburst from you and I will strangle you with my microphone wire.'

Practice, Practice, Practice

Rosie: 'I'll be a beautiful young woman, and you be Robbie. Now, ask me out.'
Robbie: 'You know, I'm really not comfortable...'
Rosie: 'Hello, sir. Was there something you wanted to ask me?'
Robbie: 'Fine. Would you like to go out on a date with me?'
Rosie: 'No. Your penis is too small.'

The Reception Buzz

'Hey, psycho - we're not gonna discuss this, OK, it's over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.' ~ Robbie
'All right, remember - alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!' ~ Robbie
'Listen, I know you're shy and I know you've been hurt, so I'm going to make this really easy on you. If you come upstairs, you're gonna get laid.' ~ Holly
'Hey, somebody get some pants on this kid!' ~ Robbie
'This is a great idea. I'm glad you came around. You want to do some gambling and have some fun right away, or you just want to get married?' ~ Glenn
'If you find somebody you can love, you can't let that get away.' ~ Sammy
'You need a prostitute.' ~ Old Man
'See? Billy Idol gets it!' ~ Robbie
'They rip your heart out of your ass!' ~ Old Man
'He wants to make money. You know - live in a nice house with wide windows and locks. You can't expect him to live forever with his sister and the nipple-twisting that goes on there.' ~ Rosie
'We're living in a material world and I am a material girl - or boy.' ~ Robbie
'Cindy and Scott are newlyweds! Whoopee-dee-doo!' ~ Robbie
'No one will ever solve that.' ~ Holly

What Are The Odds?

Glenn: 'Who are you going out with?'
Holly: 'Robbie.'
Glenn: 'Oh good, that guy needs to get laid.'
Holly: 'Excuse me! Just because he's going out with me doesn't mean he's going to get laid.'
Holly: 'All right, he probably will.'

Sex Appeal

Holly: 'God, I love David Bowie. He is so sexy.'
Glenn: 'You think the "time to make the donuts" guy is sexy.'
Robbie: 'Heh heh, that guy is funny.'

Brainstorming Song Ideas

Glenn: 'You know, you should write a song about this. You could call it "I got punched in the nose for sticking my face in other people's business".'
Old man: 'Sounds like a country song!'

The Wedding Singer (1998)

Robbie: 'You're late.'
Linda: 'I'm sorry - I just couldn't do it.'
Robbie: 'Well, if you need more time, I guess I could wait.'
Linda: 'No - I don't need more time, Robbie. I don't ever want to marry you.'
Robbie: 'Gee, you know that information - really would've been more useful to me YESTERDAY.'
Linda: 'I've been talking with my friends the last few days...'
Robbie: 'Oh, boy, here it comes.'
Linda: '...and I think I've figured out what's been bothering me. I'm not in love with Robbie, now. I'm in love with Robbie, six years ago. Robbie, the lead singer of Final Warning; I used to come watch you when you were in your silk shirt and Spandex pants, and you would sing into the microphone like you were David Lee Roth.'
Robbie: 'I've still got the Spandex; I'll put 'em on right now.'
Linda: 'The point is, I woke up this morning and realized I'm about to get married to a wedding singer? I am never gonna leave Richfield!'
Robbie: 'Why do you need to leave Richfield? We grew up here. All our friends are here; it's the perfect place to raise a family.'
Linda: 'Oh, yeah - sure! Living in your sister's basement with five kids while you're off every weekends doing wedding gigs at a whoppin' sixty bucks a pop?'
Robbie: 'Once again, things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!'