Royal Selection

King Arthur: 'I am your king.'
Woman: 'Well I didn't vote for you.'
King Arthur: 'You don't vote for kings.'
Woman: 'Well how'd you become king then?'
King Arthur: 'The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.'
Dennis: 'Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.'
Dennis: 'You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.'
Dennis: 'If I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.'

Putting Theory Into Practice

Woman: 'Oh. How do you do?'
King Arthur: 'How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?'
Woman: 'King of the who?'
King Arthur: 'King of the Britons.'
Woman: 'Who are the Britons?'
King Arthur: 'Well, we all are. We are all Britons. And I am your king.'
Woman: 'I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.'
Dennis: 'You're foolin' yourself! We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class...'
Woman: 'Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.'
Dennis: 'Well, that's what it's all about! If only people would...'
King Arthur: 'Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?'
Woman: 'No one lives there.'
King Arthur: 'Then who is your lord?'
Woman: 'We don't have a lord.'
Dennis: 'I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week...'
King Arthur: 'Yes...'
Dennis: '...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...'
King Arthur: 'Yes I see...'
Dennis: '...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...'
King Arthur: 'Be quiet!'
Dennis: '...but by a two thirds majority in the case of...'
King Arthur: 'Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!'
Woman: 'Order, eh? Who does he think he is?'

Bloody Peasant

King Arthur: 'Old woman.'
Dennis: 'Man.'
King Arthur: 'Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?'
Dennis: 'I'm 37.'
King Arthur: 'What?'
Dennis: 'I'm 37. I'm not old.'
King Arthur: 'Well I can't just call you "man".'
Dennis: 'Well you could say "Dennis".'
King Arthur: 'I didn't know you were called Dennis.'
Dennis: 'Well you didn't bother to find out did you?'
King Arthur: 'I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...'
Dennis: 'What I object to is you automatically treating me like an inferior.'
King Arthur: 'Well I am king.'
Dennis: 'Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.'

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Minstrel: 'Brave Sir Robin ran away...'
Sir Robin: 'No!'
Minstrel: 'Bravely ran away away...'
Sir Robin: 'I didn't!'
Minstrel: 'When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.'
Sir Robin: 'I never did!'
Minstrel: 'Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.'
Sir Robin: 'Oh, you liars!'
Minstrel: 'Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Robin.'

PSA

Ricky Bobby: 'This is Ricky Bobby.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'And I'm Cal Naughton Junior.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Urging you not to go to Tijuana.'

No Wussies! 2

Larry Dennit Jr.: 'That little obscene gesture is going to cost us a bundle.'
Ricky Bobby: 'With all due respect, I didn't realize you'd gotten experimental surgery to get your balls removed.'

Breaking the Habit

Lucius Washington: 'Guys! No tires! We're not a pit crew anymore, we're a car wash team.'
Glenn: 'Sorry, Lucius. Hard habit to break. Like stalking an ex-girlfriend.'

The Magic Man and El Diablo

Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Shake 'n Bake!'
Ricky Bobby: 'No, never again.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'You're right. I was like a total dick, man.'
Ricky Bobby: 'From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'What does Diablo mean?'
Ricky Bobby: 'It's like... Spanish for like a fighting chicken.'