The Wit And Wisdom of Jean Girard

'Hakuna Matata, bitches!'
'You spilled my macchiato!'
'Aaaaah, Ricky Bobby! Now we shall dance. And yes, it will be a slow jam.'
'By the way, I watched the Highlander movie, it was shit!'
'Now it is time for the matador to dance with the blind shoe-maker!'

I (Crossed-Out Heart) Crepes

Jean Girard: 'Bon. So, what if you just said: "I love really thin pancakes"? That is a fair compromise, no?'
Kyle: 'That is a fair compromise.'
Herschell: 'Very fair, actually.'
Ricky Bobby: 'No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crêpes!'
Kyle: 'That's actually a pretty good compromise right there.'
Jean Girard: 'Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?'
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Hey. This is just between you and me, okay? I mean, forget all these other guys. But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.'
Ricky Bobby: 'What do you think?'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Don't say it.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepé Le Pew!'
Jean Girard: 'As you wish.'
Ricky Bobby: 'He actually did it!'

I (Heart) Crepes!

Jean Girard: 'I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say..."I... love... crepes."'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.'
Ricky Bobby: 'I'm not gonna say it.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Good.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Hey, look, Frenchy, I thought about it. So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?'
Jean Girard: 'I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini!'
Jean Girard: 'Whoa! Get down, you little pancake.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Someone might as well get me a beer while I'm down here.'
Jean Girard: 'But you have forced me to do this. You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous. Just say, "I love crepes."'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They're just like pancakes, maybe even better.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Yeah.'
Jean Girard: 'Yes they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Oh, my god, I love those.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Put any syrups you want on them. I'm just saying, think about it.'
Ricky Bobby: 'They come with cheese sometimes?'
Jean Girard: 'Yes, of course, a fromage-crepe.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Well, why didn't someone yell that right-right away?'
Jean Girard: 'Do you know what's in the crepe suzette?'
Ricky Bobby: 'Oh, I love the crepe suzette.'
Jean Girard: 'With the sugar and lemon juice...'
Ricky Bobby: 'Yeah, the sugar and the lemon juice. Sure.'
Jean Girard: 'Grand Marnier.'
Ricky Bobby: 'I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I'd eat my way out from the inside.'

The Challenge Is Accepted

Ricky Bobby: 'What's going on?'
Jean Girard: 'Soon you will know what it is like to be beaten by the hands of somebody who is truly better than you. As William Blake wrote "The catworm forgives the plow".'
Ricky Bobby: 'Well I got something for you from the late great Colonel Sanders who said "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."'
Jean Girard: 'What's that got to do with this?'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'I got a message for all of 'em. Shake... and bake.'
Ricky Bobby: 'What does that do? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!'
Jean Girard: 'What is that a catch phrase or is that, uh, epilepsy?'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Shake and bake.'
Jean Girard: 'What?'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Shake and bake.'
Jean Girard: 'Listen you better be careful because tomorrow you're going to get beaten. Beaten real bad cowboy!'
Ricky Bobby: 'Really?'
Jean Girard: 'Yes!'

Throwing Down The Gauntlet

Ricky Bobby: 'I came here to tell you one thing. Come race time tomorrow I'm coming for you.'
Jean Girard: 'Do you know why I came to America Monsieur Bobby?'
Ricky Bobby: 'Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.'
Jean Girard: 'I came here for you to beat me.'
Ricky Bobby: 'What are you talking about?''
Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants. To tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet but before I can do that...'
Ricky Bobby: 'That's dumb.'
Jean Girard: 'It's not dumb.'
Ricky Bobby: 'It is dumb.'
Jean Girard: 'Why is it dumb?'
Ricky Bobby: 'I don't know'.
Jean Girard: 'But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.'
Ricky Bobby: 'You saying you're going to lose to me on purpose?'
Jean Girard: 'No.'
Ricky Bobby: 'No?'
Jean Girard: 'NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?'
Ricky Bobby: 'Wow I feel like I'm in the Highlander.'
Jean Girard: 'What's the Highlander?'
Ricky Bobby: 'It's a movie.'
Jean Girard: 'Oh any good?'
Ricky Bobby: 'Very good. It won the academy award.'
Jean Girard: 'Oh for what?'
Ricky Bobby: 'Best movie ever made. Look I came here to tell you tomorrow I'm coming for you.'
Jean Girard: 'May god be with you Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!'
Ricky Bobby: 'Alright.'

Meet the Gay Frenchman

Jean Girard: 'My name is Jean Girard and I am a racing-car driver just like you except I am from Formula One. I am the greatest one in the whole world. I have been following your career with great interest, Monsieur Bobby.'
Ricky Bobby: 'I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Did you eat some peanut butter or something?'
Ricky Bobby: 'Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.'
Jean Girard: 'I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.'
Ricky Bobby: 'You say you're French?'
Jean Girard: 'Oui.'
Ricky Bobby: 'We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet.'
Jean Girard: 'Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?'
Ricky Bobby: 'Chinese food?'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Chinese food.'
Jean Girard: 'That's from China.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Pizza.'
Jean Girard: 'Italy.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Chimichanga.'
Jean Girard: 'Mexico.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?'
Jean Girard: 'We invented democracy, existentialism, and the blowjob.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Those are three pretty good things.'
Ricky Bobby: 'Hey.'
Cal Naughton Jr.: 'Well that last one's pretty cool.'