Hazing

Mitch: 'At this point, you may be asking yourself, why am I holding this 30 pound cinder block in my hands? You might also ask yourself, why does this cinder block have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?'
Beanie: 'And the answer ladies...is trust.'

Natural Causes?!?

Nicole: 'I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?'
Mitch: 'Well, yes, but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.'

Sage Advice From a Cab Driver

Mitch: 'Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?'
Cab Driver: 'I recommend you stop being such a faggot. You're in the backseat.'

Random Old School

'You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?' ~ Beanie
'All we are is dust in the wind...' ~ Frank
'Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.' ~ Beanie
'In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing 89 years of age and the recent recipient of a brand new plastic hip, Joseph "Blue" Polaski' ~ Frank
'You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy!' ~ Frank
'Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.' ~ Beanie
'Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.' ~ Beanie
'Well, see. Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And now we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school, and you're not even gonna help them?' ~ Mitch

Beanie's Wedding Day Pep Talk

Frank: 'Hey, I just want to thank you one last time for being here. It's the best day ever.'
Beanie: 'Don't even start with me, Franklin, okay? You need to walk away from this ASAP.'
Frank: 'What?'
Beanie: 'You need to get out, Frankie. This is it. It's now or never. You need to get out of here while you're still single.'
Frank: 'I'm not single.'
Beanie: 'She's 30 yards away, you're single now.'
Frank: 'Come on, Marissa's the best thing that's ever happened to me.'
Beanie: 'Why don't you give that six months. You don't think that'll change? I got a wife, kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie?'
Beanie: 'There's my wife. See that? Always smiling? Hi, honey. Judging, watching, "Look at the baby."'
Mitch Martin: 'She's coming down the aisle, Beanie. Let it go.'

Old School (2003)

'True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a god damn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend.' ~ Mitch