Drip, Drip, Drip, Drip...

Vinny: 'Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?'
Lisa: 'So?'
Vinny: 'Well, did you use the faucet?'
Lisa: 'Yeah'.
Vinny: 'Then why didn'tcha turn it off?'
Lisa: 'I did turn it off!'
Vinny: 'Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it?'
Lisa: 'Did it ever occur to you it could be turned off AND drip at the same time?'
Vinny: 'No. Because if you'd turned it off, it wouldn't drip!'
Lisa: 'Maybe it's broken.'
Vinny: 'Is that what you're saying? It's broken?'
Lisa: 'Yeah. That's it, it's broken.'
Vinny: 'You sure?'
Lisa: 'I'm positive.
Vinny: 'Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough.'
Lisa: 'I twisted it just right'.
Vinny: 'How could you be so sure?'
Lisa: 'If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10 to 16 foot-pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage.'
Vinny: Well, how could you be sure you used 16 foot-pounds of torque?'
Lisa: 'Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory Edition Signature Series torque wrench. The kind used by Caltech high energy physicists. And NASA engineers.'
Vinny: 'Well, in that case, how can you be sure that's accurate?'
Lisa: 'Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal Department of Weights and Measures to be dead on balls accurate!'
Lisa: 'Here's the certificate of validation.'
Vinny: 'Dead on balls accurate?'
Lisa: 'It's an industry term.'
Vinny: 'I guess the fucking thing is broken.'

We's Famous For Our Mud

Lisa: 'Famous for your mud? How's your Chinese food?'
Vinny: 'You just keep asking about Chinese food. You gotta let everybody know you're a tourist?'
Lisa: 'Yeah well what are you, a f*cking world traveler?'

Voir Dire

D.A. Trotter: 'Ms. Vito, what is your current profession?'
Lisa: 'I'm an out-of-work hairdresser.'
D.A. Trotter: 'An out-of-work hairdresser. In what way does that qualify you as an expert in automobiles?'
Lisa: 'It doesn't.'

The Perfect Camouflage

Lisa: 'What?'
Vinny: 'Nothing. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.'
Lisa: 'Me? What about you?'
Vinny: 'I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.'
Lisa: 'Oh yeah, you blend.'