Drip, Drip, Drip, Drip...

Vinny: 'Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?'
Lisa: 'So?'
Vinny: 'Well, did you use the faucet?'
Lisa: 'Yeah'.
Vinny: 'Then why didn'tcha turn it off?'
Lisa: 'I did turn it off!'
Vinny: 'Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it?'
Lisa: 'Did it ever occur to you it could be turned off AND drip at the same time?'
Vinny: 'No. Because if you'd turned it off, it wouldn't drip!'
Lisa: 'Maybe it's broken.'
Vinny: 'Is that what you're saying? It's broken?'
Lisa: 'Yeah. That's it, it's broken.'
Vinny: 'You sure?'
Lisa: 'I'm positive.
Vinny: 'Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough.'
Lisa: 'I twisted it just right'.
Vinny: 'How could you be so sure?'
Lisa: 'If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10 to 16 foot-pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage.'
Vinny: Well, how could you be sure you used 16 foot-pounds of torque?'
Lisa: 'Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory Edition Signature Series torque wrench. The kind used by Caltech high energy physicists. And NASA engineers.'
Vinny: 'Well, in that case, how can you be sure that's accurate?'
Lisa: 'Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal Department of Weights and Measures to be dead on balls accurate!'
Lisa: 'Here's the certificate of validation.'
Vinny: 'Dead on balls accurate?'
Lisa: 'It's an industry term.'
Vinny: 'I guess the fucking thing is broken.'

We's Famous For Our Mud

Lisa: 'Famous for your mud? How's your Chinese food?'
Vinny: 'You just keep asking about Chinese food. You gotta let everybody know you're a tourist?'
Lisa: 'Yeah well what are you, a f*cking world traveler?'

Customizing the Legal System

Vinny: 'My clients were caught completely by surprise. They thought they were getting arrested for shoplifting a can of tuna.'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'What are you telling me? That they plead not guilty?'
Vinny: 'No. I'm just trying to explain.'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'I don't want to hear explanations. The state of Alabama has a procedure. And that procedure is to have an arraignment. Are we clear on this?'
Vinny: 'Yes, but there seems to be a great deal of confusion here. You see, my clients...'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'Uh, Mr. Gambini?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'All I ask from you is a very simple answer to a very simple question. There are only two ways to answer it: guilty or not guilty.'
Vinny: 'But your honor, my clients didn't do anything.'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Once again, the communication process has broken down. It appears to me that you want to skip the arraignment process, go directly to trial, skip that, and get a dismissal. Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process just because you find yourself in the unique position of defending clients who say they didn't do it.'

A Sharp Dressed Man

Vinny: 'My clients...'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'What are you wearing?'
Vinny: 'Huh?'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'What are you wearing?'
Vinny: 'Um, I'm wearing clothes.'
Vinny: 'I, I don't get the question.'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'When you come into my court looking like you do, you not only insult me, but you insult the integrity of this court.'
Vinny: 'I apologise, sir, but, uh, this is how I dress.'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'The next time you appear in my court, you will look lawyerly. And I mean you comb your hair, and wear a suit and tie. And that suit had better be made out of some sort of cloth. You understand me?'
Vinny: 'Uh yes. Fine, Judge, fine'

The Perfect Camouflage

Lisa: 'What?'
Vinny: 'Nothing. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.'
Lisa: 'Me? What about you?'
Vinny: 'I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.'
Lisa: 'Oh yeah, you blend.'

Defying the Laws of Physics

Vinny: 'How could it take you five minutes to cook your grits when it takes the entire grit-eating world 20 minutes?'
Mr. Tipton: 'Um, I'm a fast cook, I guess.'
Vinny: 'What? I'm sorry I was over there. Did you just say you were a fast cook? Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than any place on the face of the earth?'
Mr. Tipton: 'I don't know.'
Vinny: 'Perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits? Did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?'

A Hearty Breakfast

Vinny: 'Whats this over here?'
Cook: 'You never heard of grits?'
Vinny: 'Sure I've heard of grits. I just never actually seen a grit before.'

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Vinny: 'It is possible that the two yutes...'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'Ah, the two what? Uh, uh, what was that word?'
Vinny: 'Uh, what word?'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'Two what?'
Vinny: 'What?'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'Uh, did you say 'yutes'?'
Vinny: 'Yeah, two yutes.'
Judge Chamberlain Haller: 'What is a yute?'
Vinny: 'Oh, excuse me, your honor.'
Vinny: 'Two YOUTHS.'