Give Thanks for What You Have

John: 'I've had an interesting morning. In the last two hours I've lost my job, my apartment, my car, and my girlfriend.'
Russell: 'You still have your health.'

Night Ops

Russell: 'Where do you think you're going? Are you going AWOL? Are you going AWOL?'
John: 'No, I'm deserting.'
Russell: 'You idiot! You desert now, it's a federal offense!'
John: 'I'll take my chances with the feds!'
Russell: 'You're not going anywhere! You listen to me! You're gonna finish basic training! You're gonna keep your mouth shut, and you're gonna do everything he tells you! You know why?'
John: 'Why?'
Russell: 'Because you talked me into this, you idiot! It was your idea!'
John: 'I didn't talk you into this. You needed this.'
Russell: 'I'm gonna kill you, damn you! Where's the great pay? Where's the travel? Where's the Winnebago, Goddamnit!'

A Learning Experience

Recruiter: 'Now, are either of you homosexuals?'
John: 'You mean, like, flaming, or...?'
Recruiter: 'Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.'
Russell: 'No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.'
John: 'Yeah, would they send us someplace special?'
Recruiter: 'I guess that's "no" on both. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph.'

The Camp Bulletin Board

'Oh, it's not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning.' ~ John
'How's it going, Eisenhower?' ~ Dewey
'Tito Puente's gonna be dead, and you're gonna say, "Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous."' ~ John
'See, if we were in Germany, I'd have to make your bunk. But we're in Italy, so you have to make mine. It's regulations.' ~ Dewey
'I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat - I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.' ~ Russell
'And then depression set in.' ~ John
'My philosophy: a hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of shoes.' ~ John
'When I was younger, I swallowed a lot of aggression - along with a lot of pizzas!' ~ Dewey
'Have you got something in a low rise bikini? Mesh, if possible.' ~ John
'You got a what? - an 8-week course here? Which is PERFECT for me. I'm gonna walk outta here a lean, mean, fightin' machine!' ~ Dewey
'Ma'am, I'm sure there are a lot of ways I've gone that you haven't.' ~ John
'Don't order the Schnitzel, they're using Schnauzer.' ~ John