Witty Course Banter

'Did that go in? I wasn't watching, did it go in? I didn't see it, could you tell me if it went in? ~ Happy Gilmore
'Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Do you know what the pathetic thing is? You have been doing this your whole life.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball - if you can find it.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'That's my puck, baby, don't you ever touch my puck.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'Happy learned how to putt! Uh-oh!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don't you just go home? That's your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my white ass, ball!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff!' ~ Shooter McGavin
'I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Spoken like a true asshole.' ~ Chubbs
'Hey, Happy Gilmore! Come on down!' ~ Shooter McGavin
'Shooter! Great to hear from you! You wanna go to the Sizzler and get some grub?' ~ Donald
'You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL - you jackass!' ~ Donald
'You will not make this putt - you jackass! ~ Donald
'Somebody's closer!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'You know that alligator that got your hand? Well I got his head!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Hey Shooter, haven't you forgot your nine iron?' ~ Mr. Larson
'It ain't over, McGavin. The way I see it - we've only just begun.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'What are you doing Happy? Riding a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!' ~ Chubbs
'Step right up, folks. See if you can out drive the amazing Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!' ~ Happy Gilmore

Golf Defined

Chubbs: 'Golf's no different from Hockey. It requires talent and self discipline.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer - huge ass.'
Chubbs: 'Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball four hundred yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!'
Happy Gilmore: ;And how would I do that?'
Chubbs: 'You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows? Maybe you'll win the Tour Championship one day. Get that gold jacket that I never got.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?'