Shooter McGavin: 'You're in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!'
Happy Gilmore: 'You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?'
Shooter McGavin: 'No!'
Showing posts with label Happy Gilmore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happy Gilmore. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Drawing a Crowd
Happy Gilmore: 'He shoots, he scores!'
Happy Gilmore: 'Oh, man. That was so much easier than putting. I should just try to get the ball in one shot every time.'
Chubbs: 'Good plan.'
Virginia: 'Did you see that?'
Shooter McGavin: 'Yes. Nice shot.'
Virginia: 'He just got a Hole-in-One on a par four!'
Shooter McGavin: 'I know. I just said I saw it.'
Virginia: 'Oh, I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball that far - oh, he could really draw a crowd.'
Shooter McGavin: 'You know what else could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Oh, man. That was so much easier than putting. I should just try to get the ball in one shot every time.'
Chubbs: 'Good plan.'
Virginia: 'Did you see that?'
Shooter McGavin: 'Yes. Nice shot.'
Virginia: 'He just got a Hole-in-One on a par four!'
Shooter McGavin: 'I know. I just said I saw it.'
Virginia: 'Oh, I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball that far - oh, he could really draw a crowd.'
Shooter McGavin: 'You know what else could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.'
Course Etiquette
Happy Gilmore: 'Where are you going with those clubs, punk?'
Caddy: 'Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy!'
Happy Gilmore: 'Oh, I'm sorry about that. Let me carry these, alright, they were my grandfather's, they're pretty old.'
Caddy: 'Well, what should I do then?'
Happy Gilmore: 'I don't know. Why don't you just watch me, and make sure I don't do anything stupid. Okay?'
Starter: 'Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty will be teeing off now.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Alright, good luck, buddy.'
Caddy: 'Get out the way.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Where were you on that one, dipshit?'
Caddy: 'Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy!'
Happy Gilmore: 'Oh, I'm sorry about that. Let me carry these, alright, they were my grandfather's, they're pretty old.'
Caddy: 'Well, what should I do then?'
Happy Gilmore: 'I don't know. Why don't you just watch me, and make sure I don't do anything stupid. Okay?'
Starter: 'Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty will be teeing off now.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Alright, good luck, buddy.'
Caddy: 'Get out the way.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Where were you on that one, dipshit?'
Harness the Energy!
Gary Potter: 'Harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. It's like a carousel. You put the quarter in, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. Circular, circle. Feel it. Go with the flow.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Psycho.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Psycho.'
A Quick Consult
Doctor: 'Well, You're a little banged up but no serious injury's. Just keep off your feet for a few days.'
Happy Gilmore: 'To Hell with that, I gotta finish up.'
Doctor: 'Fine! Do whatever you like. What would I know, I'm just a Doctor.'
Happy Gilmore: 'To Hell with that, I gotta finish up.'
Doctor: 'Fine! Do whatever you like. What would I know, I'm just a Doctor.'
Witty Course Banter
'Did that go in? I wasn't watching, did it go in? I didn't see it, could you tell me if it went in? ~ Happy Gilmore
'Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Do you know what the pathetic thing is? You have been doing this your whole life.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball - if you can find it.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'That's my puck, baby, don't you ever touch my puck.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'Happy learned how to putt! Uh-oh!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don't you just go home? That's your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my white ass, ball!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff!' ~ Shooter McGavin
'I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Spoken like a true asshole.' ~ Chubbs
'Hey, Happy Gilmore! Come on down!' ~ Shooter McGavin
'Shooter! Great to hear from you! You wanna go to the Sizzler and get some grub?' ~ Donald
'You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL - you jackass!' ~ Donald
'You will not make this putt - you jackass! ~ Donald
'Somebody's closer!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'You know that alligator that got your hand? Well I got his head!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Hey Shooter, haven't you forgot your nine iron?' ~ Mr. Larson
'It ain't over, McGavin. The way I see it - we've only just begun.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'What are you doing Happy? Riding a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!' ~ Chubbs
'Step right up, folks. See if you can out drive the amazing Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Do you know what the pathetic thing is? You have been doing this your whole life.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball - if you can find it.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'That's my puck, baby, don't you ever touch my puck.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.' ~ Shooter McGavin
'Happy learned how to putt! Uh-oh!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don't you just go home? That's your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my white ass, ball!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff!' ~ Shooter McGavin
'I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Spoken like a true asshole.' ~ Chubbs
'Hey, Happy Gilmore! Come on down!' ~ Shooter McGavin
'Shooter! Great to hear from you! You wanna go to the Sizzler and get some grub?' ~ Donald
'You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL - you jackass!' ~ Donald
'You will not make this putt - you jackass! ~ Donald
'Somebody's closer!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'You know that alligator that got your hand? Well I got his head!' ~ Happy Gilmore
'Hey Shooter, haven't you forgot your nine iron?' ~ Mr. Larson
'It ain't over, McGavin. The way I see it - we've only just begun.' ~ Happy Gilmore
'What are you doing Happy? Riding a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!' ~ Chubbs
'Step right up, folks. See if you can out drive the amazing Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!' ~ Happy Gilmore
Putting the Pieces Back Together
Happy Gilmore: 'I got into this tournament for one reason: money. And now I have a new reason: kicking your ass!'
Shooter McGavin: 'Well, I'd like to see you try.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Let's do it, then!'
Shooter McGavin: 'I meant on a golf course!'
Virginia: 'Hey! What's going on here, huh?'
Happy Gilmore: 'Oh, uh, I was just looking for the other half of this bottle and there's some of it and there's some of it right there, too.'
Virginia: 'Why don't you just put it down?'
Happy Gilmore: 'Yeah, I know.'
Shooter McGavin: 'Well, I'd like to see you try.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Let's do it, then!'
Shooter McGavin: 'I meant on a golf course!'
Virginia: 'Hey! What's going on here, huh?'
Happy Gilmore: 'Oh, uh, I was just looking for the other half of this bottle and there's some of it and there's some of it right there, too.'
Virginia: 'Why don't you just put it down?'
Happy Gilmore: 'Yeah, I know.'
Golf Defined
Chubbs: 'Golf's no different from Hockey. It requires talent and self discipline.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer - huge ass.'
Chubbs: 'Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball four hundred yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!'
Happy Gilmore: ;And how would I do that?'
Chubbs: 'You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows? Maybe you'll win the Tour Championship one day. Get that gold jacket that I never got.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?'
Happy Gilmore: 'Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer - huge ass.'
Chubbs: 'Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball four hundred yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!'
Happy Gilmore: ;And how would I do that?'
Chubbs: 'You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows? Maybe you'll win the Tour Championship one day. Get that gold jacket that I never got.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?'
Happy Gilmore (1996)
Happy Gilmore: 'That guy's driving me crazy!'
Bob Barker: 'You know what's driving *me* crazy? You, not getting the ball in the hole.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Don't push me, Bob! Now's not the time.'
Bob Barker: 'This guy sucks!'
Announcer: 'We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead-last.'
Bob Barker: 'I can't believe you're a professional golfer! I think you should be working at the snack bar.'
Happy Gilmore: 'You better relax, Bob.'
Bob Barker: 'There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf!'
Happy Gilmore: 'Alright, let's go!'
Happy Gilmore: 'You like that, old man? You want a piece of me?'
Bob Barker: 'I don't want a piece of you, I want the whole thing!'
Happy Gilmore: 'Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!'
Happy Gilmore: 'The price is wrong, bitch!'
Bob Barker: 'I think you've had enough.'
Bob Barker: 'No?'
Bob Barker: 'Now you've had enough, bitch.'
Bob Barker: 'You know what's driving *me* crazy? You, not getting the ball in the hole.'
Happy Gilmore: 'Don't push me, Bob! Now's not the time.'
Bob Barker: 'This guy sucks!'
Announcer: 'We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead-last.'
Bob Barker: 'I can't believe you're a professional golfer! I think you should be working at the snack bar.'
Happy Gilmore: 'You better relax, Bob.'
Bob Barker: 'There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf!'
Happy Gilmore: 'Alright, let's go!'
Happy Gilmore: 'You like that, old man? You want a piece of me?'
Bob Barker: 'I don't want a piece of you, I want the whole thing!'
Happy Gilmore: 'Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!'
Happy Gilmore: 'The price is wrong, bitch!'
Bob Barker: 'I think you've had enough.'
Bob Barker: 'No?'
Bob Barker: 'Now you've had enough, bitch.'
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