Best One Liners

'Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?' ~ Paul
'I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.' ~ Tommy
'You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, cos I'll come over there, and jam an oar up your ass.' ~ Tommy
'Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.' ~ Richard
'My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.' ~ Richard
'Tommy Likey! Tommy want wing-ey!' ~ Tommy
'No offense, but if I showed a picture of your mom to some of my buddies at school, she'd definitely be "Boner of the Month".' ~ Tommy
'These shoes are Italian. They're worth more than your life.' ~ Paul
'Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.' ~ Tommy
'Ok, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy, he's gonna be taking you through my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking and he's never been laid.' ~ Richard
'Okay, and life preservers, these we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain.' ~ Richard
'Oww, that's gonna leave a mark!' ~ Tommy
'Holy Schnike!' ~ Tommy
'And what about seat belts? To fasten, take the little end and stick it in the big end and, you know what? If you guys don't know how to use a seat belt, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tack hammer because you're a retard.' ~ Richard
'It's called reading! Top to bottom, left to right, a group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches; Midol for any cramps.' ~ Richard