Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Wit And Wisdom of Ricky Bobby

'Yep, flying through the air, this is not good.'
'This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love fig newtons.'
'Holy moly, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!'
'Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!'
'Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is right around the corner. And what better gift to give a loved one than the Jackhawk 9000. Available at Wal-Mart.'
'Hey! It's me, America!'
'Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then f-*bleep* you.'
'Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.'
'If you ain't first, you're last. You know, you know what I'm talking about? That there is trademarked, not to be used without written permission of Ricky Bobby, Inc.'
'Please be 18.'
'Here's the deal I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.'
'Where are you, Pepé Le Bitch?'
'I'd love to sign your baby!'
'Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. When you're workin' on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you should have the right tools too. That's why you should use... MayPax. The official tampon of NASCAR.'
'I'm embarrassed. I really thought I could feel it.'
'Slingshot: engaged.'
'I've sent in my application to the Real World. So I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, "hey, what's up guys? Want some crack?" I'm just waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out.'
'I'm just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?'
'Losing is never fun, but here's a little something to keep your spirits up. It's real nice, I got it at Target. It was on sale.'
'Get back, I'll windmill ya.'

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